Unexpected

I've truly loved the last few weeks, everything seemed to fall into place. Munchie was sleeping better and longer, she had become so much fun, even learning to sit up and I felt confident as a mum for the first time I could remember. We went on our first family holiday and she was an absolute star, even despite our unexpected extra week's stay due to the French air traffic controllers strike.

We've been back in the UK for a day and I'm in a complete spin. Munchie was born with positional talipes of both feet, with her left foot being the one of concern. This issue, problem, condition (it was given a few names by those who saw her) wasn't picked up on any of the scans and we were lead to believe that it would correct itself in time but as a procortion were referred to the Child Debelopment Centre (CDC) for physio.

The physio was very light and involved stretching her foot into the correct position, something which I had to do daily and as often as possible.  We'd been back and forth to the CDC since Munchie was 5 weeks old but with no real improvement the physio referred us to see a pedeatric consultant. We saw the consultant at 12 weeks who informed us that we had nothing to worry about and that her foot would correct itself and to continue with the physio. He requested we return in 3 months for a follow up appointment.

Well that appointment was today, after a two hour wait in a very hot and stuffy waiting room, we this time saw the lead consultant. Who, after a very quick examination of her foot informed me that the best option will be a cast to hold Munchies foot in place.  This would be a full leg cast which would need replacing each week and he couldn't say how long this would last. I'm normally a very questioning person, not scared of asking questions but I felt like I'd been hit with a sledge hammer and whilst trying to hold back the tears and keep a level tone all I could ask was whats changed and
what happens now. She's grown he informed me and the what happens now is that next Wednesday my beautiful, funny, smiley, active little girl gets a full leg cast.

I know this is for the greater good and that the most important thing is for my little girl to have the best foot she can but I can't stop getting upset and feeling that its my fault. I can't sleep thinking about it, for kicking myself for not asking more questions, wondering what if I'd done more physio and imagining what next Wednesday is going to bring. The result of which has led me to write this post, my first ever blog post. I don't think anyone is going to read it other than me but getting it down and out of my head will hopefully help me prepear for the journey ahead.