Positive....

After feeling down in the dumps about Munchie’s upcoming treatment, I gave myself a good talking to and set about doing something positive, something constructive to help me and my husband come to terms with Munchie’s pending b&b and the journey ahead of us.

Last Friday, after reading through the STEPS forum I’d come across a lovely lady inviting another user to contact her if she ever needed to talk , so I took the bull by the horns and sent a cheeky email introducing myself and asking if she knew of any groups in our local area.  After a few emails over the weekend we arranged to meet on Monday for coffee and a chat. 

I’m so grateful to this lovely lady for taking time out of her day to meet me and my daughter.  Her little boy is 15 months and is so full of life and mischief; he’s now in this b&b for nighttimes only and the experience hasn’t slowed him down one jot.  Seeing him and hearing her story has elevated so many fears about development and how to cope with day to day life with the new accessory.  She was even kind enough to bring along his boots so I could see them – thank you x

It's time to be positive, time to look forward, time to be grateful for the progress Munchie has made and to realise how lucky we are to be in a position where one day my beautiful baby girl (Yes I am very biased) will be running, jumping and playing just like everyone else.



Progress

Moving Up A Gear

The last few weeks have gone surprisingly quickly, we've become use to Munchie's cast (which we've named Peggy), use to picking her up and feeling the cold, hard weight against my hip, and we've even become use to her using Peggy as a battering ram against the sides of her cot. But what I haven't been able to get use to is the constant explaining I have to do each time we go out or the funny looks we get, but above all I haven't been able to get use to the overwhelming sense of feeling so alone.

I've started to follow a few Mums on Twitter who are on similar journeys, signed up to the STEPS forum and started to look for groups/organisations in my local area. I'm trying to find companionship, trying to ease this sense of loneliness, trying to be strong and think solely of my daughter's needs and to find ways of making our journey the best it can be for her. But every now and again, just like now I want to hide, to look for something or someone to blame.  I can't stop thinking about next week, can't stop over analysing, can't stop focusing on all the negative experiences I've read.

The part of the treatment we were dreading the most, the bit I couldn't bring myself to think about becomes a reality next week. We are currently on Peggy #3 and this will be Munchie's final cast which in itself is great news but in reality it means the treatment is moving up a gear and in my mind becomes even more restricting and far more challenging for my beautiful daughter. Next week, she goes from her cast to wearing boots and a bar for 23 hours a day out of 24. We have no idea how long this will last, it's normally 3 months from what I've read but Munchie isn't a normal case, so who knows how long it's going to take.

I'm trying so so hard to be positive, saying over and over again "it's not about me, it's all about her and her future", thinking of all the wonderful things she'll be able to do when the treatment is over. But right now I feel so negative, like a big black cloud is hanging over me taking away the sunshine, making me feel jealous of my friends and their babies with their perfect feet. Questions are spilling out of my head again making me feel dizzy, making me want to hide.

All I can hope for is that my amazing, smiley, happy little girl copes with this new journey just as well as she did with getting the cast.

Prizes, Prizes...

How is it that everyone around me and I mean everyone seems to win prizes or are the chosen customer to get that extra discount or receive a complimentary gift??  Since being on maternity leave I must have entered over a hundred competitions and giveaways and the grand total of the prizes I've won so far is...... zero, nothing, nowt, diddly squat.  Now I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't for the fact that those around me seem to have lots of luck. A friend of mine who is also on maternity leave and entering the same competitions has won thousands of pounds worth of prizes, granted some are a little naff but others are amazing.  She's won a holiday, a weekend away, designer shoes, a make over, jewellery, countless toys and list goes on and on. 

I'm clearly doing something wrong, but what? I was at our local NCT fate the other day and as you do bought a strip or two of raffle tickets as did a number of the other girls I was with and no word of a lie, 4 out of the 5 of us won prizes and you've guessed it I was the one whose ticket wasn't drawn.  Again this could be coincidence but there's more, I'd signed up for the usual baby weaning guides as did a couple of the other mums, we all received the complementary spoons and vouchers, etc but the others also received cool bags and highchair toys along with a letter stating that they were the lucky few to be chosen at random for more gifts.  Hey, what about me?  Have I been unknowingly blacklisted from winning anything????

Do people have more luck than others? I'm starting to think so. What do you think? Have you won anything lately?